11:30 on a Sunday night. I woke up from a sudden heavy menstruation. But I woke up in bed, unable to stand tall and carry myself. I ended up lying on the floor curled up, just to alleviate the pain I was feeling on my lower belly due to dysmenorrhea.

I felt dizzy and my body felt cold. As if my blood was centered only around my lower belly, and as if no blood’s circulating in other parts of my body.

From the second floor of our room, I immediately rushed to the restroom on the first floor. I wanted to throw up to alleviate the dizziness I was feeling. I tried a few times but nothing’s coming out.

Unfortunately, aside from the ache on my lower abdomen, I felt a sudden stomach ache too. It’s a bad combination of wanting to throw up, stomach ache, lower belly ache, dizziness and my body feeling cold.

I immediately asked my boyfriend Joseph for a hot compress so I could press it on my lower belly. Aside from the lower belly though, I had to press the hot compress and run it all over my body, especially my arms and legs. I felt really cold despite normal temperatures around.

I asked Joseph to provide me a blanket or jacket because despite the presence of hot compress, I still felt cold. Joseph handed me a jacket which I could not immediately wore that time because my body could not move from the pain.

I asked Joseph to heat up the water, so I’d be able to wash up with warm water at least. But when Joseph finished pouring the hot water in the pail, and I tried to scoop out water with a “tabo” or dipper, I felt powerless or weak, I couldn’t carry the small tabo full of water.

For the mean time then, I let the hot compress stay pressed in my lower belly until I doze off seated curled up in the restroom.

When I started to feel lesser pain in my lower belly, I used the hot compress and put it under my feet. I thought the feet has a lot of nerve points that would warm me up quicker.

After maybe less than an hour, the pain became bearable and I was able to finally scoop out warm water from the pail so I could wash up. Maybe the blood has finally started circulating in my body. Though bearable, the pain in my lower belly was still there.

Joseph had to knock the door of the restroom, and he insisted that I had to take my medicine.

I finally went out from the restroom to the dining table. Joseph prepared a hot coffee for me. He gave me the medicine “Dolfenal” to further relieve my dysmenorrhea. And then he pressed “cool fever” on my forehead.

While seated, I still wanted to curl up, but I couldn’t do it properly as the dining chair was too high for my situation then. So I lay again on the floor, curled up, pressing my lower abdomen with my upper and lower body, literally just wanted to numb the pain.

Joseph insisted I went up our room which is on the second floor. He wanted for me to rest comfortably in bed but I said I couldn’t even lift myself up the stairs. He assisted me up the stairs. And I finally became sleepy, maybe the medicine was finally taking effect.

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I was really grateful that I was with Joseph that time. But honestly, feeling the pain I had to endure that Saturday night, I once wished I just collapsed or lost consciousness so I could not feel the pain anymore.

Joseph reminded me that I should not think of drama first, because the more I think about pain, the more it’ll get worse. It’s true. I couldn’t help myself but cry initially. I even called my mom and my dad at the back of my mind. And I even called Joseph’s mother at the back of my mind too. But Joseph told me, what if he was not around or no one is with me during those times.

Repeatedly at the back of my mind, I call my dad who passed away last October 2019. Aside from mom, dad knew my condition ever since, elementary, highschool, college days, and even up to now that I am working in the office. Dad would always pick me up from the school’s clinic then when I suffered severe dysmenorrhea.

I had an ovary problem. I had PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was diagnosed as early as 11 years old. But when I was in college, I finally got cured. No dysmenorrhea or any other symptoms. But now, I am not sure. I haven’t visited an Ob-Gyne ever since I got my cure.

I forgot, it’s the time of the month once again for my menstruation. That’s why on the morning of that painful day, I started to feel sick and low on energy. Also, I saw bruises all over my legs which is a symptom that I’ll be having my menstruation. I initially thought the bruises were just from our night swimming and that maybe I stretched my legs too much.

It’s difficult to feel physical pain.

I remembered my daddy’s reaction when he underwent medical procedures: catheter, dialysis, consecutive injections on his right and left arms and even legs, and the most painful of it all, the ET tube or breathing tube which was inserted to him multiple times too.

I remembered my dad saying “I felt like a candle, melting little by little”

I remembered those days from 2012 to 2019 when he was half paralyzed due to stroke. Despite his case, he was able to stand tall and carry himself. But during his remaining days of 2019, he could not carry himself anymore.  Before, if he went up the stairs with his cane, he could go by himself, but during his remaining days, all of a sudden he could not lift himself up. Without assistance, he could easily fell of the floor. He couldn’t even turn himself slightly from left to right despite the presence of his cane.

It’s painful seeing your loved one, unable to move, unable to do now what they can easily do then.

I remembered those days when my dad was in comatose. Aside from all other major  complications, I saw his sudden bed sore. The doctor said he suffered it as a symptom of ulcer. The doctor said, that my dad was in deepest pain and that bed sore was a symptom of it. My dad then, unable to cry, unable to say it hurts, unable to lift up his fingers, unable to open his eyes and react, but he was feeling the deepest pain.

That Sunday night, I remembered my dad’s pain, when I felt pained too.

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